Apocalypse Bunkers: How to Convince Your Spouse You Need One

I mean, who doesn't need an apocalypse bunker?

Maybe you think the apocalypse will come because of a financial meltdown or natural disaster. Maybe it will be a nuclear war or an alien invasion, zombies crawling through the streets, or maybe you just always dreamed of building a badass bunker.

Whatever the reason, here are a few tricks to use on your spouse to convince her/him that it is incredibly important to have an apocalypse bunker. Since I am a man and my spouse is a woman, I can only speak from that perspective:

Lie

Tell her it will be warm, cozy and spider-free with the Ed Sheeran Pandora channel playing at all times.

Show Restraint

Never ever allow the words "man cave" to enter the discussion.

Subconscious Suggestion

Try to work the storyline from Red Dawn into all conversations.

Subvert

Surprisingly, the thought of eating 25-year-old food does not elicit excitement in certain spouses. Avoid that topic as well. 

 

Get a Buy-in

Ask her if she'll decorate it when it's done.

Persuade 

Break it to her gently that the super-cool leather clothing fashions in the Mad Max movie franchise won't really exist in the post-apocalyptic wasteland. Therefore, a bunker is a better option than being seen in public wearing tattered rags.

 

Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

Guarantee her that your bunker will be better than her sister's bunker.

Fib

Tell her she can name it "Bunk-Her."

Exaggerate

"Room for a vanity? Hell, I'll build a vanity room!"

Get Romantic

Promise her she can write "(your name) + (her name) = Love4Evr" with a heart around it in the wet cement of the 6-foot-thick, reinforced concrete walls.

Complete Honesty

 

"Of course your mother can stay here with us if she can fit through the tiny, tiny hatch."

Don't be Depressing

But do try to work in dire warnings whenever applicable: "Oh, honey, you dropped your ice cream cone. Look at it melting like we will in a nuclear war unless we have a bunker. I'll buy you a new one."

Or . . . "Our kids are so smart! Their brains will be especially sought after by hungry zombies. Good thing we will be safe in a bunker. I wonder where they got their smarts from?"

Hopefully, these tips help. Never let go of the dream!

NEXT: NEED TO FIND LAND TO HUNT ON?