Why did the hunter tap the link? To get to this list of deer-hunting jokes!
While we may not be the world's best hunters or comedians, we're reasonably good enough at both to offer up some super funny deer puns, one-liners, and zingers that at the least could get a laugh out of your 90-year-old uncle. Is he smiling and nodding because he can't actually hear you? Maybe. But if delusion and politeness made a baby, it would be the residual effects of our joke list.
Whether you're reading while bow hunting from your favorite treestand, waiting for a big buck from a hunting blind, heading down the road on your annual hunting trip, or stuck in an office cubicle or doctor's office (our condolences), scope this list of 25 funny hunting jokes to make you chuckle.
Getty Images
1. Sunday Hunter
One Sunday, a preacher feigns illness so he can go whitetail deer hunting. That morning he shoots a beautiful 14-point buck! Saint Peter looks down from Heaven and says to God, "You aren't going to let him bag a prize like that are you?" "Why not?" God replies. "Who's he going to tell?"
2. Better Value
What's cheaper, beer nuts or deer nuts? Deer nuts, because they're under a buck!
3. Blind Faith
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No i-dear.
4. Crooked Humor
Why did the deer get braces? He had buck teeth.
5. Too Close for Comfort
A man and woman are on their first date. The woman, trying to make conversation, says, "So I hear you hunt deer." The man looks away and turns red. "What's wrong?" she asks. "I'm not used to someone calling me dear on the first date," the man replies.
6. Fitness Fanatic
Why did the big buck go for a run? To doe off some steam!
7. Becoming a Believer
A hunter who's an atheist is out in the woods during deer season when suddenly a 1,000-pound non-typical whitetail deer steps out from behind a tree. "Good God!" exclaims the hunter. Suddenly, a voice booms, "I thought you didn't believe in me." The shocked hunter replies, "Up until now, I didn't believe in 1,000-pound deer, either."
8. A Stinky Situation
Two skunks observe a deer hunter sneaking through the woods on an early Saturday morning. "I hope he's not going to shoot at us," says one skunk. The second skunk bows his head and says, "Let us spray."
9. Short Season
On the first day of the deer hunting season, a hunter falls out of a deer stand and breaks both his legs. "Why couldn't this happen on my last day of hunting?!" the hunter cries to the doctor. "It did," the doctor replies.
10. Nice Try
On the way home from a hunt in which a hunter harvested no deer meat, he stops by the grocery store. "Give me a few of your cheapest kind of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hotdogs and chicken," responds the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" exclaims the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged that?"
11. Lost in Translation
Two deer-est friends (get it?!) decide to try hunting for the first time but agree to split up to increases their chances. "What if we get lost?" says one of them. "Fire three shots up in the air, every hour on the hour," says the other. "I saw it on TV." Sure enough, one of the hunters finds himself lost in the woods, so he fires three shots up into the air every hour on the hour. The next day the other hunter finds his friend with the help of the Forest Ranger. "Did you do what I said?" asks the hunter. "Yes, I fired three shots up into the air every hour on the hour, until I ran out of arrows."
12. Dinnertime
A 10-point buck walks into a lodge restaurant and orders a burger and fries. The deer finishes and goes to pay, when the cashier says, "We don't see too many deer around here." "At these prices," replies the buck, "I'm not surprised."
13. Without a Prayer
A deer hunter asks his pastor if it's a sin to hunt on Sunday. "From what I hear about your aim," say the pastor, "It's a sin for you to hunt any time."
14. Money Talks
A deer hunter brags about the biggest, most handsome, heaviest deer that he'd bagged the day before. "It's got enough meat to eat the whole year," he boasts. Just then the game warden comes up and write the man a ticket for hunting without the proper tag. "$500?!" exclaims the hunter. "All for a mangy, skinny, stubby, half-pint deer?"
15. If the Shoe Fits
A deer hunter messes up another hunt, something that's happened to him more times and in more ways than he could count. He would spot a buck, take careful aim, fire, and miss. Or he'd sneak up close just to get busted and watch the deer run away. Or he'd sneeze just as the buck came into range. Or he'd fall asleep on the stand, waking in time to watch a giant buck scamper away. Frustrated, he complains to his hunting buddies: "Everything that happens to guys that don't know how to hunt keeps happening to me!"
Getty Images
16. Dogged Determination
Two beginner deer hunters weren't having any luck, so they ask for advice from an old timer. "You can just about guarantee a deer if you learn to hunt with dogs," he tells them. The two hunters got a trained deer dog and hit the woods. At the end of the day and still empty-handed, one hunter said to the other, "Maybe tomorrow we'll get one if we throw the dog out of a higher treestand."
17. Word Play
Which side of a whitetail deer has the most meat? The inside!
18. Broken Record
A boastful hunter keeps telling his buddies the same story, and they finally chide him for telling it over and over. He reminds them that they often tell the same stories, too. "Not so," says one friend. "We re-share, you repeat."
19. Upon Closer Inspection
A deer hunter gets on his hands and knees to take a closer at some tracks. That's when he gets hit by the train.
20. Sound Logic
How do you catch a unique deer? Unique up on it! How do you catch a tame deer? Tame way: Unique up on it!
21. Mystery Meat
A man is grilling some venison when his kids ask him, "What kind of meat is it, Daddy?" He replies, "I'll give you a hint: It's what mommy calls me sometimes." The daughter exclaims, "Don't eat it! It's an a**hole!"
22. That's Wild!
Two deer hunters meet in the woods. The first one says to the other: "Boy, am I glad to see you! I've been lost for hours." The second deer hunter replies: "That's nothing. I've been lost for a week!"
23. Weight Limit
Two deer hunters hire a pilot to take them way back into the forest. After the hunt, the pilot returns and sees that they shot six deer. "The plane won't carry six deer; you'll have to leave two of them," says the pilot, trying to be friendly. Unwilling to leave any of their spoils, the hunters reply, "We got six on the plane last year." The pilot gives in, and just five minutes after takeoff, the plane crashes into the forest. Lucky to be alive, one of the hunters says, "Any idea where we are?" The second hunter replies, "Yeah, right about where our plane went down last year."
24. Night Fail
Two hunters overnighting at camp awaken in the middle of the night. "Would you look at those stars!" one exclaims excitedly. "Yeah, but what do you think happened to our tent?" replies the other.
25. A Real Screamer
Where is a deer's favorite place to go for ice cream? Deery Queen, of course!
Well, there it is folks: the roundup of our best hunting jokes. We hope you'll bring these deerectly to your next hunting camp and be the start of the show. Next up? Maybe bear hunting jokes? Duck hunting jokes? What's your pick? Let us know.
Read More: Here's a Turkey Hunting Joke We Can All Understand
